deliberate and intentional

Ya know, I'm one those personality types that does very well at the organizing/planning part of life and I really suck at the actually-living-it-out part. Give me a computer or notebook and pen and I'll whip out a daily schedule for each member of my family in a jiffy. I'll plan menus for the next 3 months and pop out a grocery list to go with it. But do I actually put into action the daily schedule or really want to eat everything I planned too? Sometimes, but often not.

Thus the fact that I have continually made a conscience effort, over the last couple years or so, to 'embrace the moment'. To try to actually LIVE - not plan to live but to actually take each moment, each opportunity to get off my butt and enjoy life. I've definitely not perfected this yet.

Right now my struggle is with my kids. I had such grandiose plans on what I wanted to do with them this summer. I don't think we've accomplished any of those things....oh, except for spend time at the pool. :o)

Here's the problem....I grew up in a home where there was alot of emphasis on 'planned' teachable moments. And unfortunately, I look back and think it was really hokey and it didn't really impart into me much of God. I mean, God in my soul, not in my head. Don't get me wrong, I have fabulous parents. Though I disagree with much of their 'life philosophy', their heart is truly to raise Godly kids and they are doing what they believe is right to accomplish that.

So, while the planner in me could plan alot of ways to get scripture into my kids, give them chore charts to learn responsibility, make them plan/shop for/cook a meal each day, etc. I want that part of life to just happen. I want moments to just come where I can say 'hey guys, this is what responsibility is about' or 'you need something? here's a scripture where God promises to take care of you because you're worth more than the birds. why don't you instill it in your heart?'

And while that is awesome, those times don't just come all the time. And when they do come, I often blow it with my response. I'm afraid my kids would be 98 before all the teachable opportunities arose and I actually took advantage of them. So I think there must be a balance of spontaneous teachable moments and planned ones.

God dropped a phrase in my spirit around the beginning of the year. Deliberate parenting. Like really, 'on purpose' parenting, doing certain things intentionally. Not just a 'que sera, que sera' attitude towards raising my kids. And now here it is July, and I'm still mulling over what that means. How do I parent, intentionally? But not scripted. I will not appeal to their heads over their hearts.

So here I am, reading Grace Based Parenting....again. Because when I don't know what to do, I revert back to what I know. Maybe if I shove more information into my head I'll know how to live this out. But I hear that little whisper in my heart, "Be you doers of the Word, not hearers only." Ugh. Couldn't there just be a point by point handbook on raising kids that came with guarantee that they would be passionate for Jesus, responsible adults when they arrived at age 18? Oh, there was and I burned it....because it wasn't reality. Crap.