Thursday, July 12, 2007

deliberate and intentional

Ya know, I'm one those personality types that does very well at the organizing/planning part of life and I really suck at the actually-living-it-out part. Give me a computer or notebook and pen and I'll whip out a daily schedule for each member of my family in a jiffy. I'll plan menus for the next 3 months and pop out a grocery list to go with it. But do I actually put into action the daily schedule or really want to eat everything I planned too? Sometimes, but often not.

Thus the fact that I have continually made a conscience effort, over the last couple years or so, to 'embrace the moment'. To try to actually LIVE - not plan to live but to actually take each moment, each opportunity to get off my butt and enjoy life. I've definitely not perfected this yet.

Right now my struggle is with my kids. I had such grandiose plans on what I wanted to do with them this summer. I don't think we've accomplished any of those things....oh, except for spend time at the pool. :o)

Here's the problem....I grew up in a home where there was alot of emphasis on 'planned' teachable moments. And unfortunately, I look back and think it was really hokey and it didn't really impart into me much of God. I mean, God in my soul, not in my head. Don't get me wrong, I have fabulous parents. Though I disagree with much of their 'life philosophy', their heart is truly to raise Godly kids and they are doing what they believe is right to accomplish that.

So, while the planner in me could plan alot of ways to get scripture into my kids, give them chore charts to learn responsibility, make them plan/shop for/cook a meal each day, etc. I want that part of life to just happen. I want moments to just come where I can say 'hey guys, this is what responsibility is about' or 'you need something? here's a scripture where God promises to take care of you because you're worth more than the birds. why don't you instill it in your heart?'

And while that is awesome, those times don't just come all the time. And when they do come, I often blow it with my response. I'm afraid my kids would be 98 before all the teachable opportunities arose and I actually took advantage of them. So I think there must be a balance of spontaneous teachable moments and planned ones.

God dropped a phrase in my spirit around the beginning of the year. Deliberate parenting. Like really, 'on purpose' parenting, doing certain things intentionally. Not just a 'que sera, que sera' attitude towards raising my kids. And now here it is July, and I'm still mulling over what that means. How do I parent, intentionally? But not scripted. I will not appeal to their heads over their hearts.

So here I am, reading Grace Based Parenting....again. Because when I don't know what to do, I revert back to what I know. Maybe if I shove more information into my head I'll know how to live this out. But I hear that little whisper in my heart, "Be you doers of the Word, not hearers only." Ugh. Couldn't there just be a point by point handbook on raising kids that came with guarantee that they would be passionate for Jesus, responsible adults when they arrived at age 18? Oh, there was and I burned it....because it wasn't reality. Crap.


Rachelle said...

I can totally relate to this post. I just wish I could be reassured once in awhile "yes, you're doing things right" or "not that way..try this" Parenting by faith rather than law definitely isn't the easy way out.

Gayle said...

Boy that is a tall order, and I'd like one too, please. :) He has a way of putting exactly what we need in front of us though. I have told Mark several thousand times that I feel like I am on a fast moving train (about parenting...and life too, I guess) and I hardly have the time to get my wits about me to get it figured out before the ride is over.

reneegrace said...

oh good heavens... one of the many questions / issues running through my mind/heart these days!! And an area I so much need improvement on...

my sister and i just had a conversation about this... her kids are now 13 and 14, and things are coming together for them... although she is first to admit she is just entering the teen years!!

She really feels like it is the prayer that has bathed them constantly, and their (mom and dad's) honesty with their screw ups and how God is working in their (mom and dad's) life...

i thought... well I CAN do that! pray and admit all my screw ups!! :)

hope you figure out what it is you are needing to "hear" or "act"

Shari said...

How much of it is simply asking God what he wants us to do with our kids on a daily basis? Yes, I think we need to be deliberate just as we are deliberate in spending time with God. But I know though that God is not trying to keep us from parenting well. He wants us to succeed! He has promised to light our path.


ConservaChick said...

I was reading a parenting book the other day that said parents should have a long term game plan written out when there children are babies. Oops! Missed the boat on that one. When my first kid was born, I didn't know her, I didn't know me, and I didn't know God. That would have been one messed up game plan! Since new revelations are always coming for those of us that have yet to "arrive", I think parenting HAS to be by faith rather than law. ~Karlie