grace based parenting

An few notes & thoughts from the first few chapters of "Grace Based Parenting" by Dr. Tim Kimmel

2 of the 7 types of parenting...

1. Fear-Based Parenting
"When I look at how the standard evangelical family has formatted their strategy for parenting, most often I see fear behind the steering wheel."
"Fear-based parenting is the surest way to create intimidated kids. It's also the surest way to raise Christian kids who either don't have any passion for lost people, are indifferent to the things of God, or out-and-out rebel against their parents, their church, and the Lord."


2. Evangelical Behavior-Modification Parenting
"This parenting plan works from two flawed assumptions: (1) that the battle is primarily outside the child (it's not); and (2) that the spiritual life can be transferred into a child's heart much like information placed on a computer hard drive (it can't)."
"The behavior modeled by these families paints a beautiful picture of an ideal Christian family, but it is only one-dimensional. There is very little below the surface that draws on the faith needed to sustain the harsh 'hits' from culture or to go into a deep, mature relationship with God. These are homes where God rules in the head but seldom gets to move in the heart."


We are all created with 3 driving inner needs...
1. A need for security.
2. A need for significance.
3. A need for strength.

We can meet these needs by providing these three gifts...
1. love
2. purpose
3. hope


John 1:1, 14
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God...The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."

Grace and truth must be together. You cannot have one without the other.
"You can't have grace when you have rules but little relationship."


Sometimes I think parents (including myself) really have Ephesians 6:1 memorized but forget Ephesians 6:4, it says...."Fathers, do not exasperate your children..." Exasperate means to irritate beyond measure. Colossians 3:21 is similar, "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged." Embitter means to "rouse them to strife"


"Rules not tempered by grace block relationships with our children and lead to rebellion. On the other side, relationships without rules don't result in grace either."

Whew, that didn't even get me to chapter 3.....